i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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