My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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