Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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