Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
