I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
