I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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