is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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