yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
