The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
