At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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