I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
