Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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