Me too!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
