Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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