I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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