I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize