I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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