I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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