she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
