life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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