how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
