this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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