my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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