I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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