maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize