Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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