I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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