Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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