That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
