I just cut my nipple shaving
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
