no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
