Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
