I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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