WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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