Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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