She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
