I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
