There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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