i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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