hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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