I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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