Christians are straight up FREAKS
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
