she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
