U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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