I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize