Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
