3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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