p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
