And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
