You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
