I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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