Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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