Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
