I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
