Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
