I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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