I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
