I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ttyl tear gas
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
