I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
