Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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