remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
