I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
