Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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