I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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