trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize