My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
