I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My ass is underappreciated
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
