I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
