Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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