I met the friendliest cop last night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He did a backflip because drugs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
